Below I share about men and divorce (now KingsDvorce.com) and I hope you enjoy learning who is behind the site.
I will save you the long edition of my life and who I am and give you a tidbit that led me to develop the divorce advice for men website.
It has become my own life obsession to try and figure out how to live a more fulfilling life, especially after going through some challenging situations in my own life and seeing other men do the same.
I see people everyday who just drudge through life and I'll be damned if that is all there is to life.
Do Men really dread their lives this bad???...
They hate their jobs (or just do them because they have no other way or so they think), they are not happy in their relationships, they are not healthy, and don't connect well with their children.
In a recent course I took this is called the Core 4 - body, being, balance and business and if you are a man who wants it all we'll discuss these further along the way.
My goal with this site is to talk about various areas of life that we're all working to conquer while enjoying the process (divorce/relationships is just one aspect we'll cover).
We all have succeeded in some areas and maybe do not do so well in others, so you are more than welcome to follow along and join in on the progress with us.
Anyhow, below I am going to provide my quick rendition of my life (perhaps you may be able to relate to some of it) and how I got to developing this site...
I met the woman I married at a restaurant we both worked at. It was my fourth day of training and as I'm sitting there waiting for my trainer to get to work, in walks this beautiful, blonde woman who apparently was showing up for her shift.
I knew in that instance that I had to meet this one. Call it love at first site or whatever you wish, but I was done in that moment. The great part was that she was my trainer for the evening!
It took some doing but within 6 short months of meeting her we were engaged and married almost one year to the day after we had met.
Marriage was an exciting experience with a lot of ups and downs. We had made a great team. We had our challenges along the way and financially we just could never seem to catch up.
It took me til 27 to finish school and we welcomed a new edition to the family only a few weeks after I got my diploma. This created a tight budget from the get go.
We had a good marriage. It wasn't perfect by any means. We had fun together, talked, spent time together, and worked to get through the bad times and enjoyed the good times.
We bought our first home and eventually our dream home together where we thought we would raise our kids and retire one day.
Most of what I will explain here are things that I have realized post divorce, but they have shed a lot of light on moving forward. You may be dealing with similar issues and if you are early on in the divorce, perhaps they will help you recognize areas that need corrected immediately.
We grew into adulthood together and we were complete opposites which was good in many situations but on some very fundamental levels it was not.
In my opinion our marriage was destroyed due to a few major areas that we perhaps could've worked through and perhaps we could not have because at the core of our being one or both of us would've had to have changed immensely. Personally I am pretty happy with who I am and figured along the divorce path that I lost myself throughout the marriage, but so did she.
Communication became a big breakdown. We couldn't quite understand each other or agree on certain things. We didn't understand each other's "love languages" - from the book The 5 Love Languages which every married couple should read.
Nine years of working together, being together, raising our little boy, building our dreams together and one day that all changed with one decision.
Caveat: I have learned that divorce is caused by both people and throughout my story I am not faulting anyone - just telling the story. Just providing the facts of how it all came about. Personal stories helped me through and hopefully it will help others as well.
That fateful day. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was nearing Christmas time, we were working on the dream home we'd just moved into a few months prior, and we were discussing the gifts we needed to buy from Santa for our little boy (if you haven't figured out who we is it is my ex-wife and myself).
I get an email at work as I usually did from my wife since we had the privilage of talking throughout the day which was one of our favorite things to do. She wanted to have lunch to talk about some things.
I thought o.k., we typically didn't do lunches too often together, but thought that would be nice. She seemed a little distant lately and I couldn't figure out why and we were a couple who talked about everything. Therefore, a lunch to talk would hopefully open some lines of communication (something we'll talk a lot about on this site).
We meet and lunch is going well but not being someone who beats around the bush, she simply comes out and tells me she is unhappy and if things don't change quickly, she's thinking of leaving. WOW, that was the hardest hit in the nuts I ever experienced.
As I picked my jaw up off the floor, I quickly realized my life just took a turn onto a dark and winding road that I had not originally seen.
A flood of emotions came over me instantly. Anger, sadness, worry, and despair quickly hit as I tried to comprehend the severity of what she was saying.
Now, don't get me wrong. Nobody was ever abused in our marriage. Nobody had any affairs and I promise I'm not going to make anyone out to be the bad guy. And I truly thought things were good, needed improvement, but nothing that would indicate a divorce was on the horizon. I sat staring outside of the window the remainder of the lunch as across from me was the woman I loved and never had a moment of trouble looking at. This time was different.
Going back to work that day was impossible. My first instinct was to beg and plead that we could make this work. My second thought was the one I could not overcome...
How in the world do I/we fix this after almost 10 years? I could not even understand even through her explanations why she was unhappy. I truly thought I was doing everything a husband and a father was meant to do. So, the fog that I lived in for the next few months as things progressed to her moving out and little by little our family dwindling into a sea of nothingness was dense.
Let me clearly state that I was not the perfect husband and I did a lot of things wrong which took some time to really see, but the reason I'm here today with this divorce advice for men website is to help you understand what I and others went through, the process on all levels, and help you along to see if you are either able to save the marriage or if divorce is the only option.
At the end of the day I felt like the biggest failure ever.
Throughout the trials and tribulations divorce caused me I had also encountered a large number of friends and other people going through the same journey.
Since I was one of the first and people saw much of what I went through and how I came out of it happy and moving forward successfully, they would come to me for support, advice, or just to listen.
I also turned to others who had gone before me and it taught me a lot. I learned a tremendous amount through experience, research, and personal growth about divorce, myself, and relationships.
The one thing I had trouble finding were good quality sites that devoted the topic of divorce towards men. There are quite a few general sites, specialty sites, and a few geared towards women, but men go through this too and it can be just as difficult for a man as anyone else.
Therefore, kingsdvorce.com was born! I am proud to bring this site to life in order to hopefully help other men get through the ups and downs a divorce can bring. I am also excited to perhaps share experiences, resources, and more that will allow a man to become better in relationships and life.
My goal with this site is to help you do one of two things. Rekindle your marriage or at worst your relationships with others or get through your divorce successfully and come out the other side ready to hit the ground running and moving forward.
Your old plan may be out the door and you have to develop some new strategies, but that is the goal with this site. What to do if divorce is the only option and a new road has opened.
I have since gotten re-married. I know what some of you might be saying as you are going through divorce - "I am never doing that shit again. Why in the hell would you get married again?"
I've heard those sayings to my face. Well within this life, I do believe in marriage and lifelong relationships. I've witnessed in relatives and was taught the great sides to these relationships.
So, not to make a long story short this is yet another aspect to this site we'll be adding help with. After divorce is just the start. Getting married again may not be for you or it may be what you truly want.
The beauty is hindsight is 20/20 and with a divorce you have this new instinct that you may not have had before. I know I did. I made different and better choices the second go around so I wouldn't make the same mistakes.
So, as we navigate where you are in your divorce, we will also help you navigate these areas of life after divorce.
Again this is just the quick rundown of my marriage, the divorce, how we can help you here and what has led me to build this site. I have an update you can read here on how life has progressed.
You are more than welcome to read more at my blog posted above.
I am always available for questions or comments so be sure to contact me anytime.
I look forward to sharing more of my story as well as yours throughout the site and we'll work together to conquer all that divorce and relationships carry with them to move forward and live a fulfilling life!
Divorce stories, views, thoughts and experiences can add tremendous value in a number of ways for those who share and those who are needing support during and after the process. Please share your story below...
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