Children and divorce is a topic that can lend a whole new set of dynamics to a marriage split.
There is a lot to consider, discuss, and more when factoring in the kids.
You and your spouse are not the only two going through this and a divorce can actually be just as if not more stressful on the children.
Plus, depending on their age(s), they are in their prime developmental years and those factors need to be thought of as well. I used to hate when people would say, "oh kids bounce back easily" or "they won't remember most of this." Frankly I think taking this part of it lackadaisically is a pure mistake long term.
Have you also considered that if you plan to be a parent, you are going to have a new relationship with your spouse after divorce and the ties will never fully be broken as you'll have to work together now as parents. This is often times very difficult to do civilly.
With that said, raising children in a home filled with negativity, fighting, no love, and more lends to other issues. Therefore, divorce may be the best route to change the situation for the better, but you'll have to work hard in this new parenting dynamic.
As stated in other sections, staying together in a broken marriage, with no hope of fixing, just for the children could result in a long term detriment to everyone involved.
For more information in addition to what we share within this section, we recommend visiting Children-and-Divorce.com because as a parent you will need to be armed with plenty of information on how to support your child through the divorce and beyond.
The process is not a short one and can lead to feelings in the children of anger, misunderstanding, guilt, resentment, loneliness, etc.
On the other hand it can actually make them happier depending on the situation knowing their parents will move on happier and become better people, resulting in a more positive atmosphere for the kids.
We don't want to guide you to thinking it has to be or end in a negative way. How you handle the process and discuss it throughout with your kids will certainly help them along.
In some cases seeking outside counseling may be an option as well so they have an outlet if you are having trouble communicating with them. Understand in the end it may make you a better parent and closer to your children than ever before. That has been the case for me.
This children and divorce topic could be the most important part of this entire site if kids are involved in the divorce process so pay close attention, print it out, whatever you need to do to commit this to memory. If your state/county requires you to take a class prior to the court date, these are some of the items that will be discussed.
Listen closely here and in that class because I learned where we as parents were going wrong and what we were doing correctly.
Kids throw an entirely new dynamic into divorce. If you think you are going to cut and run and if you are that kind of guy please leave this site now. As a man
you need to show the utmost character and integrity when it comes to children and divorce.
Trust me when we say that you cannot and we repeat cannot have a weak spirit if you are going to handle divorce with children. You will have to deal with the other parent for a period of time. I've been doing this for over 5 years and have many more to go. You must develop strategies on how you will handle things long term.
My father was one of my heroes. I learned through his
death at the young age of 53 that he had a weak constitution when it
came to drinking, smoking, and just not taking care of his body after he got ill.
What's funny is he was a role model to me in the aspects of health, fitness, lifting weights, being a man. What killed me in the end was that he gave up on a lot of this so it appeared or I have in my own heart and head.
What I will never forget about my dad, and personally deal with throughout my own divorce and after, was being a father and being there for myself and my brother as we grew.
He dumped women because they didn't want us around. He would make sure he lived close to us no matter what he had to do.
He paid his child support every month. He came to
every single game we played throughout high school. He became an even bigger hero of mine and if he was here today (and many times throughout the
loneliness I went through I wish he was) I would tell him so.
My point through this and women may read this site too, is as a man it is easy to pack up and leave. Moms are moms. I'd say a good 99% of the time they are going nowhere and will be moms (let's face it guys they are spectacular creatures in many respects).
That's why we love them. But as a man it shows that you are a man, a true man, by being in your children's lives no matter the circumstances. To us and your kids, that makes you a hero. Don't expect any less of yourself and if you only get one part of this entire divorce process right, get the children and divorce part right.
We are going to spend a lot of time in the children and divorce section ensuring that if you come out strong in only one part it is this one.
If you don't have kids, obviously children and divorce is not the section you need to focus on as you have a lot more to worry about.
But, as a father, I know you and I have one shot at helping the kids grow up in a situation that they deserve. Don't let them down no matter what!
This is where you can share your own divorce advice, tips, wisdoms, and more. You don't have to leave any personal information if you don't choose to, but it helps others to at least understand the various aspects divorce presents since the journey can be different for everyone. Please share!
Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...
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