The Children Divorce Discussion…
How to Talk to the Kids about Divorce

The children divorce discussion is something you must prepare for prior to the conversation.

Depending on their age(s) they will potentially not understand how this will play out.

If you have kids and you're getting a divorce, one of the hardest things you'll need to do is reveal the news to them. Don't imagine it any other way.

children divorce discussion

Telling your kids that mother and father are splitting up is difficult, yet it's imperative that you handle this in a certain manner. Your kids are about to experience a sensational change in their life, and you have to ensure everything continues in their life as smoothly as possible.

So the begging question on the children divorce conversation – exactly what would be the best way for you to approach telling your kids you're getting divorced? While this revolve around many factors such as your kids' age, the sort of connections your kids have with each of you, and different factors, the following tips will give some direction to help you break the news to your youngsters.

They say that the sad part of divorce is the part where you need to inform your kids about the real status of your relationship. Some kids tend to blame themselves for their parent's broken relationship, and others cannot even accept the fact that their family is wrecked because of their parent's divorce.

We recommend that after the children divorce discussion you following the advice below so that you and the kids can move on most effectively.


Tips for After the Children Divorce Discussion…

Cooperate with your Partner & Avoid Arguing

You as parents should work hand in hand in dealing with the divorce, especially when it comes to telling your kids about this harsh reality. Despite the things that happened between the two of you, avoid arguing in front of your children, because this will just make them feel bad or sad, among have other long-term repercussions.

Whatever the reasons for your breakup, you must still consider each other as either friends of business partners where your new job is to raise the kids together.  Being on bad terms may happen during or right after the divorce so it’s imperative to get to this new relationship quickly to help the children cope.

Look for the Proper Timing

Inform your kids about your divorce at the right time and place, so as not to make the situation worse. When you ask? You will know the right time to have the children divorce discussion. Divorce is a very sensitive topic to talk about with your kids, so look for the right timing when talking to them about it. You know each other and your children so do this in the right format and be prepared together.

Avoid Blaming Anyone

As mentioned from the start, some kids tend to blame themselves whenever their parents are divorcing. It's not good for kids to think of their mother or father as the reason for the breakup, because this will just make it more difficult for them to bear.

To avoid this, do not say bad things against your spouse when you are in front of your kids, nor make them feel bad that you are divorcing. Make them feel that you are still a family, that you are both there to support them no matter what, and nothing major has changed, except that you or your spouse will no longer live in one house. 

Reassure Your Kids

It's devastating for the kids to know that the people they love the most are breaking up, so make sure that you assure them that everything will be fine despite the divorce. Tell them that you two will remain to be good friends even if you are no longer together and you must assure your kids that you will be with them whenever they need your presence. Make them feel that your bond as a family is still there, even though you and your spouse will no longer live together.

With today’s technology and kids involved in many activities it is easier to remain in their lives without skipping a beat. Give them time to swallow what’s happening and continue to keep the lines of communication open so they are able to talk, vent, ask questions, etc.

Honesty is very important when it comes to informing your kids about the divorce, so don’t try to pull anything over on them – they are smart no matter what age. Another critical thing to remember is to make sure that it's the two of you who are going to talk to your kids about the divorce, and do not just do it all by yourself.

This way you are on the same page and the children divorce conversation is consistent. Most importantly, always adhere to the promises you made/make to your kids. For example, if you promise to be there for them, then you should look for ways to be there no matter what.

Re-iterate this is not their fault nor something they should worry about. You and their mother will work out all the details to ensure their lives continue without issue.

Personal Story...

I was eleven and my brother was 9 when our parents had this children divorce talk with us. It seems like a very long time ago, but I do remember us both reacting in very specific ways.

I could tell my parents were unhappy and we thought it was odd that my mother lived in our basement for a few months before we moved out from the only home we knew.

I was worried I would lose the friends I had made in the neighborhood. I knew that we would be taken out of the school we had known our whole lives and moved across the street to the public school during the crucial middle school years.

My brother was in the same boat yet more emotional that our family was breaking apart and now we had to figure out who to live with and that we wouldn’t see our parents (both of them) every single day.  As a parent I can say this is just as hard on us not being able to see our little ones every day.

I will commend my parents that they did the best they could explaining all this to us. It was not easy but we took it in stride and life moved on.  I sometimes look back and wonder just how much it affected both my brother and I during our teen years and into adulthood.

I got divorced when my son was a bit too young to remember. He knows no other life than the fact that his Mom and Dad do not live together. I’ve reminded him of his younger years as to where he lived, who he played with, etc.  This way he does understand how he came about and that we were all together at one time, but things just didn’t go the way we thought they would.

He knows that even to this day I will be there for him no matter what and always available even if I don’t see him each day. He also knows that his Mom and I discuss matters that pertain to him so that he is raised properly.

Just remember, the children divorce conversation is just the beginning to many conversations to come.

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