Does Life After Divorce Exist?
You May Not Think So At Times, But Yes...
Life after divorce will bring a number of emotions, situations, circumstances, and more. I know more emotional crap!!!
Safe to say there is life after divorce. Many times it is much better than life during the marriage, but there are times when that may not be the case or you just aren't through the phases of grief/separation.
The key throughout my entire divorce and those I consulted with was to ensure that when I came out the other side of that courtroom, no matter how long it took, my life would start fresh, I would be stronger, and it was time to move forward - BOOM!!
Perhaps you've been doing this already or now is the perfect time to start, but sitting down in a quiet spot and reflecting on everything could provide insight into yourself, your life, your marriage, where things went right, where things went wrong and how you can move forward for the better and not worse.
Divorce is a major life change and I had once read it can feel similar to losing a loved one to death. When we take the vow of marriage we become one. When we split it is almost as if half of us is now gone and we have to learn how to live without this other person.
This isn't the case all the time, but generally it is how folks tend to feel even in bad situations. You may be like hell, this shit is great! I wished I had dropped that weight a long time ago.
Here's a great article from other perspectives.
You don't want to become overwhelmed as you proceed with a new life. You should be excited that now you get to do something that some people dream of - you get to start over. With new vigor, a new life, new adventures, the opportunity to perhaps do things you didn't before, and more. Bottom line is if you can control the emotions, you can have the life you dreamed of.
Now, I'm not saying that if you are married and unhappy that you can't be happy in your marriage and have the dream life. Marriage takes work, compromise, communication, and more. But the grass isn't always greener on the other side. If you are reading this in excitement, but the marriage is salvageable, we always recommend trying to make it work.
Throughout the life after divorce section we'll uncover the areas to help you manage/plan. A few of the topics include...
- Managing how you handle each day/moment/moving forward (see some tips below).
- How to handle your emotions and states so you are empowering yourself.
- Get over ex by following some simple tips and strategies to move on after divorce.
- Dating and new relationships.
- Being a single parent if children are involved and how to continue to be their hero (or start to be one if you are not the role model they need right now).
- Managing a relationship with your ex and the challenges that creates (in some divorces, you won't even have to deal with your ex once all is split).
- Is it time to downsize, manage your money more appropriately, and/or deal with changing careers (or adding new income streams)?
- Remarrying after divorce. A subject I'm sure you'll come up against at some point. You should be prepared for the ups and downs concerning this topic.
- And much more...
Life after divorce is a new beginning and we are going to talk a lot about that here. There is no way we are not going to get back up from being knocked down in one way or another and move on successfully with our lives.
I don't care about your particular circumstances and how the you've come to this site because there are hundreds of scenarios, but the point is life after divorce will entail new situations and you/your ex must deal with them.
If you are someone who is in the midst of a definitive divorce, then let's uncover what life after divorce may reveal...
Tips for Life After Divorce...
If you are having trouble letting go, trust us when we say there is life after divorce. A funny thing that continued to happen was how older, already divorced gentlemen kept stating how much happier they were and why.
They always said, trust us, it will get much much better. One day you'll look back and realize this marriage is something you did. An experience of life and it just didn't work out.
Take a cold, hard look to determine if you really think this marriage will make you happy long term. Are you afraid? Are you in denial? Are you afraid of losing this person for the right reasons or the wrong ones?
Time will continue on whether you want it to or not. You have the personal power to make decisions every single day that will empower you or will not.
You have to make simple, empowering decisions each moment of the day to move on and determine how you want your life to be from that moment forward. The past does not equal the future and it is up to you to determine how you want to feel in each situation.
Watch what you say to yourself. Watch your emotional state. Pay attention to how you handle your body. You'll have to work hard at first to make sure you aren't in a state that is dis-empowering you and controlling how you feel, react, and make decisions.
If kids are involved that will create a whole new dynamic you must manage during life after divorce. We talk a lot about children and divorce throughout this site. Keep in mind you need to set an example and as a man continue to be a leader for them making good decisions in the midst of heavy emotions.
Finally, don't regret. I'm not going to tell you to just "get over it" because that is way easier said than done. However, if it is absolutely over, it is time to move on with your life. Here is how we're going to do that.
Time to Jump Start Your Life & Move On...
To reiterate much of what we discussed above, here are key points to moving on with your new journey.
- Determine how your new relationship will be with your ex. It will be very different than it was as husband and wife. This will more important when children are involved.
- Make a plan. Many things are going to change and if you don't plan they can quickly spiral to a point of you unable to control various aspects, thereby getting overwhelmed and unable to manage day to day tasks.
- Get a support team. This site is an example. Find (with our help if needed) a support group, a professional to talk to, friends, family, and other resources.
- Make time for yourself. Have you ever set goals, created a bucket list, or wanted to do things that you never got around to? Now could be the perfect time for that.
- Have you lost yourself? This is very common when one gets married. Being divorce now I can say I lost and refound myself. I also am sadly watching newly married couples falling into the same traps. Find yourself again or become the person you want to be.
- Find joy and find your passions. This time of change that is a must is a perfect time to possibly change other aspects of your life that you've been afraid to pursue. So much is changing, so why not design your life the way you want it?
- Although hard, you'll have to begin to consider the future as well. Personally, it has become hard to plan a future because while doing so for many years, that plan got thrown out the window. Key point is to do both. Live in the moment and enjoy each day, but also consider how your decisions now will impact future relationships, financial situations, etc.
- And more to come...
If you think this is it, you are mistaken. We are wanting to first hit on the major items the majority of divorcees go through no matter which side you are on. From there we'll continue to uncover specific issues that you may encounter.
Plus, you can always ask questions and share experiences as you go if you are unable to find specific help here.
Divorce Advice, Tips, and Wisdoms...
This is where you can share your own divorce advice, tips, wisdoms, and more. You don't have to leave any personal information if you don't choose to, but it helps others to at least understand the various aspects divorce presents since the journey can be different for everyone. Please share!
Additional Divorce Advice...
Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...
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