Reasons for divorce...
There are many. Tough to sit here and analyze every single reason why marriages break up. Some for obvious reasons. Some are surprises. Some because one person absolutely needs (for safety or other situations) to get away from the other.
Within the confines of these pages and this section, we are going to uncover some of the common reasons why people don't make it work.
If you are reading this section and know without a doubt why you are getting divorced, then perhaps it is time to move on to another section.
However, if you are still working through the process and beginning phases to understand why this is happening or if you should proceed with a divorce, then this section will do you a lot of good, answer a lot of questions, and potentially help you move on to a next step.
Our goal here is to identify the major reasons, become aware and admit what is happening, get help where needed and if divorce is the only option, then we want to come out on the other side of this stronger, better, and wiser ready to move on and take on our next adventure.
Let's start with some obvious causes and below we'll dive into some of the why this happens...
Reasons for Divorce 1: Abuse - Mental and physical abuse is a major cause. Unsafe environments are a good reason to get out and get out quickly.
This goes for both sides. If you are a man who is abusing his wife, then perhaps this is a major issue you need to address immediately. Get help. If there are children involved, this amplifies the situation even more.
With that said, a man can be abused by his spouse as well. Most cases tend to be more on the mental side, but this is also a course to take action immediately.
Perhaps divorce is not the best answer and help can be obtained, but the road ahead will be long and hard as core values and rules need to be completely changed (we'll talk more about values, rules, etc. in other sections).
I have witnessed experiences of abuse and they are not pretty. Majority of the time they end up with a sad story. Sometimes they end up better, but the results of the abuse tended to last a lifetime.
Learn more about what to do if you are in an abusive marriage.
Reasons for Divorce 2: Control - This type of behavior does nobody any good. You have to love the other person for who they are and in my experiences and opinion, your job and your spouses job is to work to make each other better people, not control them and/or change them. We tend to go down the wrong path in this respect and over time, it ends up being too late.
Learn more in regards to a controlling spouse - how to spot and fix or leave.
Reasons for Divorce 3: Addictions, cheating, and other key disorders - These behaviors are grounds for needing help and if someone sticks with you or vice versa through all this, gets help, etc. then your marriage will be stronger for it. We will talk about these topics in detail as they can entail a spider web situations that must be confronted.
With that said, these are obvious reasons why a marriage would end in divorce and sadly that will be just the start of the long road ahead as treatment may be necessary for certain areas of addiction or disorders.
Find out more about extramarital affairs throughout that section.
On a positive note: One couple I know very well was about 4 years into their young marriage. They were both in the late 20's and had a beautiful little boy. Due to many reasons which we won't get into here, the wife began seeing another man and to make a long story short became sexually active with him (this story can substitute men and women very easily).
She came clean with the husband over time realizing that she was going against the vows she took and her own moral beliefs. Through repeated counseling, the marriage survived. You'll be happy to know they have since bought a gorgeous home, had another little baby, and are stronger and happier than they could've ever imagined. So, marriages can survive if both parties want them to.
The above are just a few reasons for divorce and are certainly critical issues that need addressed whether the marriage can be saved or not. Sadly though most marriages end due to less pressing issues that can easily be addressed and repaired. Let's identify those now...
Tony Robbins is a master in discovering what makes people tick. He has studied and helped people from all walks of life breakthrough and find their true potential in many areas including relationships.
One of his crucial tips is to understand the other person's values, beliefs, and rules ahead of time. Talk up front so you are able to identify issues as they arise.
Most couples wait til it has gotten way too far long and that makes for a longer and bumpier road back. If you can relate or identify with any of the below whether they are happening to you, your spouse, or both then now is the time to address them and come to a conclusion to determine if divorce is the best step.
Reasons for Divorce: I don't love them anymore. People who are together a long time lose that initial "spark" or excitement if you will. Life and routines get in the way. Things become comfortable and it is easy to begin to lose site of your marriage.
Listen, as a guy it is easy to want to stray (because let's face it we want to find a new challenge/new conquest), but you have to have a strong character to remember why you fell in love with that person. I never believe that people fall out of love. I just think that as we grow further into adulthood and perhaps gain new interests we may grow apart instead of growing closer together.
These are easy reasons for divorce as our sex lives become stagnant many times. Our intimacy with each other changes. We change. Many factors play into this particular statement. When this happens, if you can sit and discuss items reasonably you may come to some conclusions on how to proceed. There is a lot to note when considering divorce and that is not the easy way out - trust me.
Talk! You may be surprised at what you find out and we'll certainly dig deeper into what we mean here.
Reasons for Divorce: Communication problems. This is a biggy and one of the major causes of my divorce. My ex wife and I were complete opposites. Our upbringing and beliefs on many key factors came from very different spectrums.
These view points over time created a lot of issues especially when it came to trying to understand the others point of view. No matter what we did (we did not do counseling and that is something we recommend before calling it a day), we could not come together on some crucial items. It began to create some of the other items on the list to get worse and our downfall began and never stopped.
Reasons for Divorce: Kids. Don't just stay together just because of having children (if that is the only reason). With that said, they are a big factor in all this and you must always consider how this will affect them. An entire section of this site is devoted to children because as a child of divorce and having a child of my own it has added a unique dynamic. I have also seen many instances where the parents think selfishly not realizing how that is affecting the kids who in the end are the ones to ultimately lose.
Make sure to visit the children and divorce section
Reasons for Divorce: Trust Issues. Another big factor. Trust is broken for many reasons typically because one spouse has or is doing something behind the others back or is suspected of such.
These can be things like a new friendship with someone of the opposite sex. Taking their paycheck and gambling it all away. Doing things without communicating effectively and working as a team to solve any issues.
Reasons for Divorce: Money. Being married, I'm sure you've heard that money is a leading cause of problems in any relationship. Doing things, such as running up credit cards or spending money when you shouldn't on things you don't need.
This item is fairly easy to fix if you work together as a team and get assistance if you don't know how to plan and pull together a budget or solve money problems. Don't let stress of money problems ruin everything you've built because splitting up doesn't necessarily make it better especially in the short term. Again, this is a topic we've devoted an entire section for.
The money and divorce section provides everything surrounding financial matters.
Stats are kind of boring, but they help us better understand that typically we are not alone in the above thoughts and issues. The bad news is the statistics are alarmingly high and the rate of divorce is horrid. That puts in a situation of failing before we even start.
Divorce rate statistics - this article will outline some common reasons and rates if that is something you would like to know. Stats can be beneficial in many ways such as helping you identify specific causes of why you are divorcing.
However, every single marriage is different and unique in its own way so keep that in mind when viewing statistics. Personally, it didn't matter what others were going through when I was divorcing.
It was nice to have friends who were dealing with the same issues, but in the end our reasons for divorce at deeper levels was different than others.
Let's face it, men are definitely from Mars and women are from Venus. No matter how much you have in common with your spouse, men and women are wired very differently.
Understanding not only how you are wired but also your spouse will potentially help you salvage what is left of your marriage (something we will discuss in an entirely separate section). If divorce is inevitable the key goal is to not let these issues arise again.
So don't sluff these reasons for divorce off as stupid crap. Learn from this divorce and become more intelligent because chances are you will get married or be involved with someone again. But if done right you will learn how to combat issues and reasons for divorce before they happen!
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