New relationship with the ex. Its events that happen over a period of time that have us questioning what happened.
One time two people brimming full of love, while another time, someone is bringing a divorce proceeding letter. Truth is, some of these are the worst moments in our lives.
This conversation is going to discuss the relationship you’ll have with your newly found ex.
The dynamic is going to change quite a bit, especially if there are children in the picture. It is important for you to understand how the relationship with your ex will be from the moment of divorce onward.
There may also be potential to salvage the marriage during the separation or proceedings. This process can take months to get all the way through due to attorneys, discussions over money, custody, assets, etc.
You may find yourself almost starting over so we’ll discuss how to treat your ex if you want to reconcile as well. Otherwise, understand the relationship from the point of divorce discussion on has to change to move one way or another.
For whatever the reasons for the separation, we have to admit it hits us squarely of how much we have lost, how we are going to get out of this dungeon of trauma. That moment it dawns on us that the person who we once turned to for support and partnership is no longer there to be found.
However not all relationships end with permanent goodbyes, reason being, there is a lot more to hold onto than to let go (i.e. your love, your family, all you’ve built together, etc.). In addition, this isn’t like pre-marital relationships where you can part ways and never have to speak again (unless you work together or something). If you have kids together, the relationship continues – just in a different way.
Not to mention that an ex will always be an indelible mark in one’s love story. We are known to be weaker beings in confiding our real emotions and often are the times we find ourselves being back on heels after our exes (they may come back to you as well), some in the name of friendship.
And when one is lucky enough, a reconciliation could come through. It being a good thing, can be hard at first and thus the new couple has to figure out a way to deal with and tolerate each other more so, being there for the kids and unifying the whole family unit.
Below are few ways to achieve a new relationship with the ex & how it will work going forward.
FOCUS ON FRIENDSHIP FIRST.
Owing to the fact that you are now on good terms with your ex; this is a good chance to seal the loops you left behind. A lot of people out there think that commitment and a respect are what keep a relationship going. In actual fact, friendship is the foundation of all solid relationship. There is a lot to expect in friendship and this includes:
To have a lasting new relationship with the ex, means to accept her unconditionally even when your opinions about certain things do not rhyme at all. This is true friendship.
If you do decide to divorce and there are children involved, realize that you don’t have to be “friends” per se with your ex. However, the relationship with the ex will be something you have to work hard on because you are now potentially working with someone you would rather not in the best interest of the children. Being friendly goes a long way especially in the eyes of the kids.
Transformation doesn’t come easy. This is because, even with a transformed self, you owe a duty to love your partner and kids always as well as taking care of their needs without fail. It looks like an almost impossible thing to do, but with time you will start to notice the same feelings being reciprocated to you as the man. And your new relationship with the ex continues thrives based on trust.
Your new role may not be to take care of your ex anymore. You may want to make sure that they end up o.k. If you have children together you certainly want to ensure they provide a safe, stable environment for your kids to spend time in. Roach infested buildings with no heat is not a great option for your kids. Nor is moving them in with mom’s new boyfriend who she’s known for a few weeks (same goes for you).
Men, we are the fore leaders in a relationship. It is instinctively a mother-nature gift to always take the first initiative. If this new relationship with the ex is going to work and be fulfilling enough, it’s up to us to make that happen, and this can only be if we lead by example always. We as men must ensure that we take control as the leaders.
If you want to rekindle then showing up as her King is perhaps what has been missing. Showing up, being present and doing what it takes to turn things around can be the difference in finalizing the divorce or salvaging your marriage.
If you have kids you will have to be proactive in terms of knowing their schedules, being at their events and taking the initiative to talk with them, reach out to their coaches and teachers to stay in the loop, etc. Show up as their Dad and be present at all times.
SOUP UP YOUR SKILLS
Things may seem to be going on quite well before your eyes, there is the peace, and the ex is now back. With this, you may want to take a back seat to toast, and relax on achievements. Keep in mind that, what you have done is what every other man can do, it takes a real committed man to move an extra mile to improve himself: so that whatever led to the separation doesn’t occur again. Men, let’s be a challenge to our own selves.
If you end up divorced, we recommend throughout this site to better yourself first. Commit to being a better version of you so you don’t make the same mistakes again. There are reasons second and third marriages have higher divorce rates.
Besides that you now have to be a single parent and will have challenges in regards to your new relationship with the ex. Therefore, if you can strengthen yourself, you’ll handle all this much better.
HAVE GOALS, EXPECTATIONS AND OBLIGATIONS
Having nearly lost your family to separation, as a man, you need to restore order in your home. You need to iron out schedules as to how you will create a bond with your own kids; you also need to blend with them and portray that fatherly role to them. Remember that kids learn to love someone who harbors their being. It may be hard in the beginning, at times you may face some form of rejection but with time, they slowly come to like you. Be strong, you can do this.
IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO RECONCILE AND CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED, THE RELATIONSHIP BECOMES MORE BUSINESS-LIKE
If divorce is the option you must move forward with, you now become partners not in life, but partners in raising children. Their needs and what’s best for them becomes the mission in this new relationship.
Anything otherwise does not matter. Not your wishes and not your exes. What matters is the children and you must shift your mindset to this new way of looking at the things for this to work long term. This will ensure the children grow up as successfully as possible.
One great comment we received once is that you can typically tell when kids come from a home of divorce. However, because of how hard we work to remain consistent with our son, one of his teachers indicated you could not tell with him.
That was a great complement that solidified all the hard work we put in, all the setting aside of feelings to do what was best for him, etc. Knowing that he was growing up without the stress we caused due to divorce was a great leap forward.
A partner is like a lifelong contract no matter how the relationship continues. Be happy with whom you got and love her for who she is, not what you would like her to be. Be the kind of a person whose partner would rather be with, given a number of options. This rings true if you work on reconciling or if you move forward as co-parents with the mission of raising your kids together. Either way make sure your relationship with the ex changes for the better.
Divorce stories, views, thoughts and experiences can add tremendous value in a number of ways for those who share and those who are needing support during and after the process. Please share your story below...
Free Divorce Advice, Tips, & More Ezine...
Sign Up & Get This Free Survive Divorce Report...
Jan 02, 18 07:08 PM
You will have a new relationship with the ex after the divorce discussion whether you work to reconcile or move on apart.
Dec 19, 17 07:35 PM
There are many reasons why people cheat on their spouses and we want to help you understand how affairs begin.
Dec 12, 17 07:59 PM
How to have the children divorce conversation and talk to your kids about going through a divorce.